How I lost 40 pounds (18 kgs) in 6 months

During my last visit to my doctor she advised me that losing weight can be challenging if you have stress in your life. The body is on survival mode, so it holds to its weight as a self-protection mechanism, she explained. She referred me to a dietician, but in the same time there is a long waiting list that might run to few months.

Despite the stressful situation, I was determined to lose weight. In fact, one of my 2019 resolutions is to lose 20 kg. A friend of mine connected me to dietician. She was kind to send me the form I am posting here. Basically, I have to write down anything that I eat or drink throughout the day. When I advised that my only way for to me to lose weight is starvation diet. She advised me to eat six meals distributed through the day. Three main meals; breakfast, lunch and dinner and three snacks in between meals.

I started weighing everything I eat using a kitchen scale, and writing down the volumes of anything I drink.

It is just by being conscious of the amount of food I eat, I was able to lose an average of about 7 pounds (3 kgs.) a month. Eventually, I did not have to see her. The best part is that I could eat anything, as long as I eat a balanced meal that includes salad, carbohydrates and protein. Most importantly is to monitor the portion that I consumed in every meal. Snacks can include fruits, small desert or even a piece of chocolate (about 25 gm per snack). I found it very hard to drink 8 glasses of water a day, but I did my best to keep my body hydrated.

If you are struggling with your weight, I hope I could inspire you to take your first step and lose the extra weight you carry. Like anything in this life, it takes lots of determination, focus and time. The most important piece of advice is to consult with your doctor before you go on a similar or different diet.

How I got out of the blackhole of debts

It has been a while I did not write any posts, but I am still on my journey of self discovery. I am doing my best to stay on track and not to get sidetracked.

One of my goals was to live debt free. In my last post about financial freedom, I have made a plan and started executing it to achieve this goal. I destroyed my credit cards, payed off due amounts on cards with smallest amounts, then I consolidated the rest of my cards into one bank loan to save on interest. Interest rate for most of credit cards is 25% other than monthly and yearly fees. I reconned if I pay only the minimum payment, it will take me forever to pay it off.   Bank loan interest rate is much lower, mine was about 6.0%, which made a difference. Remember, every penny counts.

I am still keeping an eye on my expenses, stopped impulsive buying. If I decide to buy something I really plan for it, ask myself do I really need it. So I was able to save a portion of my salary every month, even more than the recommended 10%. I have saved 6 months salary and kept them aside as a buffer, or emergency fund.

I have bought a small apartment and invested very little money in mutual funds. In the same time I am very reluctant to invest any money in the stock market, but I am planning to start early 2020 after paying off my credit card and bank loan.

As for debts, I have paid off my student loan in full. I kept only one credit card that I used to pay for my travel fairs and other travel expenses. I decided to stop using my credit card and pay cash instead. I am planning to pay off my credit card and bank loan by November this year, three more months to go.

I feel very proud of myself as I got myself out of the black hole of debts. Not only that, I also managed to save some money in the form of cash and in a form of small apartment. After I pay off my credit card and bank loan I am planning to save more money that will be spent to buy some shares in the stock market and on vacations to reward myself after this big achievement.

My plan was very realistic, and can be applied by any one no matter what. I will be lying to you if I told you it was a breeze or that I was able to save one or two million dollars over the past couple of years.

If you are in debt, I hope my story will inspire you to get out of debts and turn things around. The only thing you need is to have the right mindset and start. Never give up no matter what. Sure you will get some set backs on your way, just keep focused and keep going.

Good luck.

On education: To diversify or not to diversify, This is the question.

Talking about diversity might be my thing. It might be not. For the most part of my; life I lived in well diversified cities in the Middle East, North America and Europe. Societies that are, supposedly, tolerant, open minded and free too.

Despite of this fact I felt being singled out and pointed at; based on my ethnic background. What will happen if I was a female too? I asked myself. having said that, I still believe in diversity. I think the world would be a very boring place if all of us were the exact copy of each other. This also led me to appreciate the concerns of people fearing to be discriminated against based on gender, colour, ethnic background or being from a visible minority.

In an educational institution; teachers and students are representative of the society. If the institution is not representative of the society (both teachers and students), you can say that there is something seriously wrong with this institution. Education should be inclusive and not reclusive (Parker 2007).

A successful teacher or a facilitator makes sure students feel very comfortable with him or her. Encourage them to participate in the educational process in a safe environment without being fearful that they would be judged. The sole job of a teacher or facilitator is to do whatever it takes to facilitate the students’ acquisition of knowledge (Parker 2007), (Academic teaching – Text book).

In my way of thinking, this is much easier said than done. Reflecting on the past 2 paragraphs raises a major question; how far should a teacher go to achieve that? If we assume that the university is a true representation of the society we can also assume that the students ability to acquire knowledge follow a Gaussian distribution. This leads us to assume that about 68% of the students are average students, about 27% are above average or below average, about 4% are either excellent or on the other side, sadly to say, have no ability to acquire knowledge. Average students Above Average Below Average Hopeless?

Looking from the student perspective, I have to admit that Sweden has the most sophisticated laws when it comes to equality. Any student being female, from a visible minority or suffering from some kind of disability need to be treated like everybody else, as a dyslexic student puts it (Academic teaching – Text book). Does this happen? Do teacher have enough training in order to navigate such situations? I do suspect that. A thorough study should be carried out to see how many un reported cases of abuse or harassment goes un reported compared to the reported. From the stories I hear I can say that very few cases are reported, this is my personal opinion and need to be proven through a controlled study.

I think before making any attempt on allowing a “teacher” to stand before students, she/he should be given an orientation course on the demographics of the school and what challenges the teacher is going to face and how to deal with those challenges. By the same token, students must also be given orientation course about their rights, and where to turn when they get violated.

Securities must be provided for students attempting to report a teacher or an administrator or even a fellow student with no fear of being punished or penalised in case they they decide to carry their complain till the end. Again, I would like to stress that the Swedish laws in the areas of equality and freedom are very sophisticated laws. Not to mention the Swedish discrimination act (Academic teaching – Text book). Parker, J. (2007). “Diversity and the academy.” Teaching in Higher Education 12(5-6): 787-792. Elmgrin M, Henriksson AS (2014). “Academic Teaching” ISBN 978-91-44-1010-9.

 

Life is full of choices (2)

While waiting for my flight, from London Heathrow airport to Stockholm, in British Airways lounge I met this fine lady. She was flying home; South Africa. The lady had this thick British accent. From the way she sat and spoke you can immediately notice that she is definitely not a commoner. And I think she wanted someone to talk to, maybe just to pass the time. Indeed, I entertained her and listened while she did almost all the talk.

I understood that she was visiting her only daughter in London. Her daughter is studying law in one of the best schools not in Britain only but in the world. Her plan for the daughter is for her to have a very good education. Get some fine training in one of the top-notch law firms in England or the USA. Then her daughter is supposed to join her father’s family business and hopefully her father will live long enough to guide his daughter and train her to run his business.

The lady took pride in the efforts she made to have a successful marriage and putting her daughter in the right schools and social setups to ensure that she also leads a successful life. “success does not just happen, it takes a lot of planning and deliberation” the lady said.

The lady left to catch her flight, leaving me with so many questions spinning in my head. Do we, sometimes, get caught in pursuing success at the expense of other aspects of life? How do we measure success anyways? Would anyone rather be rich and unhappy rather than happy and poor? Please do not get me wrong here; I believe that life is full of choices and I am not implying by any means that you cannot have it all. Indeed, I do believe that you can live a life full of love, be happy and very successful too.

On my way to board the plane, I found this HSBC advertisement; how to measure success. Did it answer my questions? I don’t think so.

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Life is full of choices (1)

I strongly believe that life is full of choices. I always remind myself and others that it is very easy to make other people happy. It is also very easy to offend them. I choose to make people happy.

On my last flight from Stockholm to London on British airways, I thought that the hot meal that was served was the best meal I ever had on any flight in my whole lie (as far as I can remember).

After finishing the meal, I went to the hostess and thanked her for the very friendly service I have received and the sumptuous meal that was served. The lady could not stop thanking me for being appreciative and “so kind”. The small thank you note turned into more than 10minutes talk. “I have been doing this job for more than 20years, you cannot imagine, some passengers are very rude. Sometimes they even shout at us”, she said.

Going back to my seat after the discussion ended; not only this lady felt very good about herself and very happy, I also was all pumped up with positive energy because of a very small act that did not cost me anything could make another fellow human being so happy.

Time Management / The Second Quadrant

At this point in time in my life I have got to the realisation that, even though I did work very hard all my life, I am not where I wanted to be and I am not happy either.

During the past years, I have been through a real test in my life. I have found out that the harder I worked, the more stressed out I got. Add to this a supervisor that was determined to ruin my life, I got another stress factor other than stress generated from work itself. Not only I was not able to produce in my work, I was unhappy. The situation affected me emotionally, getting into cycles of depression, and my general health was also affected.

Looking back at the situation I have realised that working very hard is not the way (I am not implying you being sloppy in any way). I decided to follow the saying; when in Rome, do as the Romans do. Well I am in Sweden, and I have to do what Swedes do; work – life balance.

I decided that in order for me to be able to keep myself motivated, I have to keep my eye on my goals in the same time I have to enjoy life. I needed to manage my time more efficiently both in my job (getting more done in less time), and in my own time (getting more joy more often).

I have been exposed to the time management matrix for Stephen Covey long more than 10 years ago. I revisited the matrix and applied it more diligently to every task at work and at my personal life.

This is my strategy that I have been following for over a year now, and it is working fine for me:

  • Before starting any task or activity, I would ask myself how would it affect my career and life. If it has no effect, this means it is of no importance, I simply pass.

 

  • I stopped multitasking. I focus only on the most important thing now and do it to the best of my ability before moving to the next task.

 

  • If I feel exhausted or unable to think, I do not force myself into finishing my task. I simply step back and take a “mind clearing break”. I go for a short walk by the lake, get exposed to the sun, and so on.

 

  • I try not to feel the pressure of time limitation and adopt the idea that time is elastic and that there is lots of time to be used. It is a matter of choice as to how I decide to spend my time. So, I am coming from a place of abundance rather than a place of scarcity.
  • I try to spend most of my time in the second quadrant, planning and executing what is important but not urgent. Minimize activities falling in the fourth quadrant (not urgent and not important).

 

 

 

 

 

 

My first step on Financial freedom

 

In this world of consumerism where you can get easy access to money that you do not have in the form of loans or credit that are spent on millions of products in the markets that appeal to almost any one in the society, we became nations that consume more than they produce or in other words we spend more than what we earn. While an argument like; well I can afford to buy in credit and I am disciplined in paying my monthly payments might sound logical. On the other hand, I invite you to examine the cost of credit line only to realise that you are paying too much for things that you might not need in the first place.

 

 

Continuing with myself discovery journey that I have started recently I started questioning almost everything I am doing since I had to come up with a solid plan, in all aspects of my life, towards transforming my life. Managing my own finances was one of these aspects that was poorly managed that I felt the urgency to act upon.

 

After collecting online information and consulting with friends that I could see have made success in this area and visiting my bank for consultation I was able to come up with a plan that I have started applying immediately.

 

  • I monitored my expenses for 3 moths. I entered every penny I spend into a spreadsheet on my computer, then made a monthly budget. I know how much I get every month in the form of salary and decided how am I going to spend this money (including monthly saving of a set percent of my salary). The budget that I have made is a relaxed budget, so that I do not have to get stressed out every time I spend money. Monthly budget is also set as an electronic spreadsheet. In short I continued with expenses entry in the light of the pre-set budget.

 

  • I paid off my credit cards and destroyed all the cards, except for one that I use for online shopping (keeping in mind that online purchases are kept under tight control, and amounts are paid in full as soon as possible).

 

  • I consolidated bank loans into one loan. This allowed me to save a little on the interest rate.

 

  • Currently I am saving in an emergency fund. I am targeting 6 months salary as recommended by my banker. In parallel with that I am investing a small monthly amount in mutual funds due to the low risk factor.

 

  • As medium to long term plan, I am keeping an eye on the real estate market as a venue for investment in addition to the stock market.

 

 

 

Dating after 40

Dating can be very challenging for ladies and men over 40.  Usually men and women in this age bracket, had a long-term relationship that has been terminated for one reason or another. Going back into the dating game is not easy for several reasons. You are not as attractive as before (or that what you might think), fear of rejection, the rules of the game have changed, lack of time and so on.

Consider this before going into the dating game: do not rush into a new relationship if you are freshly out of one. Remember the wound is still fresh and you need some time to heal. In other words; never act from a space of desperation, just take your time.

Be prepared and inspired:

  • Love yourself.
  • Set your intention: This will help answer few questions like, why am I dating now, do I need casual or long term relationships, what kind of person I want to attract into my life, would I accept that my new partner has kids already and so on.
  • Think abundance: There are so many single women/men around. Among this very large pool; there is someone that perfectly matches me.
  • Be open and flexible: In the same time do not settle for what you do not want. Learn how to say no.
  • Be at peace with rejection: It is your right to decide that the other person is not suitable for you. So, understand that the same applies to the other side too. Most importantly do not get discouraged, keep going.

 

Where do I look for my new partner?

  • Singles bars might be a good place to start. You can also meet great people in social clubs and events, theatres, movie houses among others.
  • Spread the word and inform family members and friends that you are available and looking.
  • Be active and take part in social events.
  • Consider online dating.

I have a date; where to go from there:

  • Be an active listener, and look for body language.
  • Be honest to yourself and fair to the other party. Do not compare between her/him and your ex.
  • Take your time knowing each other.

http://www.chatelaine.com/health/sex-and-relationships/dating-in-your-40s-10-things-ive-learned/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3fIZuW9P_M

 

 

Getting out of my comfort zone

In my life, I took many risks, and pushed my limits. I have travelled to many places, moved and lived in beautiful cities that required me to start from scratch every time, ventured in some business ideas few times (that made me some money, but did not make me a millionaire), etc.

 

During the past few years, as I have explained in the past few posts, things started to change. I have noticed that I am being more inclined to “play it safe”. I felt the need to start pushing my limits to get out of my comfort zone.

 

While I completely understand that in this stage of my life I cannot start from scratch in a new country, or “jumping into” into a totally new business idea without any feasibility study and knowing the pros and cons of the idea and the risk factor involved. I have decided to take small actions to get me out of my comfort zone. I will be posting my progress in this project with pictures.

 

Comfort zone according to Cambridge dictionary is: a situation in which you feel comfortable and in which your ability and determination are not being tested: Rock climbing pushes many people beyond their comfort zones.

 

There are a lot of benefits that you can reap pushing your limits. Taking some risk (here I am talking about calculated risk and not being reckless or stupid) helps to build self-confidence, doing something without being afraid to be judged by others. It can help you conquer your fears and phobias. It helps you accept and embrace risk regardless of the result, whether you succeed or fail, or in other words to be detached from the outcome. You just live the moment end enjoy the experience. Taking risk can be a great learning experience.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comfort_zone

http://www.whatismycomfortzone.com/

Planning for Retirement (Part 2)

Other than financial planning, there is the emotional readiness. Through our lives, we pass through different stages, from childhood to puberty to adulthood to maturity, you got the idea. Each stage has its own psychological “burdens”. If you are not emotionally fully prepared and have a realistic picture you might run into a very unpleasant experience. Before retirement you might be dreaming of the day you retire. You will enjoy a week or two of just being lazy doing nothing. Then you start feeling the emptiness in your life. Everyone around you is busy. No one has time for you. Even being with your partner or significant one 24/7 might not seem as enjoyable as you thought.

 

At this stage in your life you have two choices; to make lemonade from lemon and plan to grow, stay on purpose and make connections with your community making something useful that will benefit others or die before you are dead. It is your choice, your call.

 

http://www.ageuk.org.uk/travel-lifestyle/people/preparing-emotionally-for-retirement/